I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
