I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
