so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
