It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
