that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
