I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
