And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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