just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
