OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
