I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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