you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
