Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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