Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
