Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
