I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
