Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
