I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
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