He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
