So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
