i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
im having a threesome with these popsicles
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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