You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Randomize
