non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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