WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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