"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
