I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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