I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
