Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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