Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize
