Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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