a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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