yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
a search helicopter?!
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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