If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
