I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
