just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
i've created a new STD.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
