My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
