break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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