I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
