And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
