would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
