we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
