he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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