God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
