I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
