If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
