they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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