I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
