Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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