Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
