you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
