I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
