I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
