it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
