Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
