He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
