I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
