im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
