dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
