I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
