i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize