how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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