The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
