Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
