Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
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Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
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hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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