Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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