She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You did what with his pubic hair?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
