no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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