I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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