pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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