My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
