Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
