When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
