I'm lost and stupid without you.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
