Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
