quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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