I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Randomize
