No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
