So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
