i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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